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Archive for May, 2007

Carrot PSA

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Public Service Announcements are some of the best unintentional comedy ever recorded. Whether they’re condemning pot, sex, or drinking, they’re always good for a chuckle, especially immediately before, during or after said activity.

Well as if real PSAs weren’t funny enough, some people go to the trouble of making parody PSAs, like the one you’ve just seen. If you want to see an example of a real PSA that’s a riot, check out the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from the other week.

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Welcome to Suburbia

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The Average American Male

Today video is cool for a couple reasons. The most obvious is that it’s funny. But what’s really cool is that it’s the first time a series of videos proliferated on YouTube have been used as a viral marketing tool to sell a book. That’s right, this dude wrote a funny book, and then made funny YouTube commercials to sell it, and the results have been phenominal. Note to self, write a book/videotape self masturbating.

If you want to buy Chad Kultgen’s book, The Average American Male, it’s under $12 on Amazon. If you want to learn more about the book and the unique marketing process, there’s a site for that too.

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Igor Goes Dark

No, Igor is not easing racial tensions. Rather, Igor has gone dark in the sense of covert. His actions, endeavors and whereabouts are a mystery at present. For further explanation please observe the following picture:

Igor Croft

We’re talking some James Bond shit, he’s like double O well… zero. No ladies yet. In fact, Igor is now blaming the website for his lack of success. Ain’t that some shit? I feel like you have to have had sex prior to a situation before you can accuse said situation of cock-blocking. So what is more than likely cock-blocking Igor? Igor.

Seriously though, Igor has stopped coming home, and generally avoided everyone and asked me not to divulge his plans until they reach failure or fruition. Obviously there will still be Igor updates, he just doesn’t want me scaring the chicks off. All one of them.

As always, if anyone would like to meet Igor, please contact me here.

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Funny Film Fridays: WKUK

If anyone hasn’t had a chance to check out The Whitest Kids U’ Know, there are new episodes Tuesday nights at 11pm on FUSE. You can check more or there shit out on their website. The show is hysterical, one of the funniest and bravest comedies to hit the airwaves since South Park. Don’t believe me, well fuck you then. But check these vids out, they might change your mind:

The Whitest Kids U’ Know vids sometimes start out slow, but by th end your sides are splitting. This is another one that sneeks up on you in traditional WKUK fashion.

Just a note, as with all comedy these days, this is a commentary on contemporary life. It’s not racist humor, it’s making fun of the racism present in our society. If you feel otherwise, no one cares. Suck it up; and shut the fuck up.

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Igor Cleans Up His Act

This is Igor’s bedroom:

Dirty Room

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been trying to make Igor understand that no self-respecting girl is going to have sex in a room that looks like that. Igor retorts that any girl who is going to fuck him is obviously devoid of self-respect to begin with. I have no rebuttal.

Regardless of the fact that Igor’s target demographic is overweight emo slores*, Igor decided to heed my advice. That’s right, Igor cleaned his room. I mean, if you’re going to get a disease from having sex, you don’t want it to be meningitis from a skanky matress.

*Slore (noun) - One who exhibits traits of both a slut and a whore, and deserves dual recognition as such.

ex. “Dude, do you think Jenna’s cute?”
“Yeah dude, go for it, but be sure to wrap it up; I hear she’s a pretty big slore.”

Yes, slores don’t usually care about their sexual environment, but even they deserve some reward for charity work. Check out Igor’s new slore-accommodating pad:

Clean RoomNow girls can feel confident that they wont acquire athlete’s foot, ringworm or hepatitis in exchange for the HIV they give Igor. I suppose a few posters, a television, some chairs and a computer would be nice, but one step at a time. Igor has been known to buy candles. When you smell like Igor, candles are clutch. Good job Igor, keep making improvements to your ’situation’ and you’ll have that V-Card validated in no time.

Speaking of self-improvement, Igor has a new reading assignment:

The LayguideIgor has been reading The Layguide by Tony Click, which claims to teach readers “how to seduce women more beautiful than you ever dreamed possible, no matter what you look like or how much you make.” Well that’s a lot to offer, but we’re not asking for all that. At this point Igor would settle for anyone with a wet hole and a pulse. I don’t know how good the book is, because I haven’t read it. I suppose like the rest of the world I was too busy actually having sex. Regardless, let’s hope it works for Igor.

Rumor has it that Igor has a couple ladies in the work for this weekend. Only time will tell if anything comes of it, but for now the quest continues…

As always, if anyone would like to meet Igor, please contact me here.

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Cocktail of the Week!!

the most awesome drink in the world

When you’re busy chasing tail, it’s easy to get tired. This week’s invention is designed to get you perked up while at the bar. Most bars suck, and therefore don’t serve Mountain Dew; so bring a closed bottle to the door and if the bouncer says you can’t bring that in, tell him it’s closed and you’ll show him the greatest drink of the world (or this week.) With a combination of sweet dew and bitter gin, this makes for an amazing summer time treat.

The Ingredients: one part dew, one part gin (let’s not get picky).

Directions: Add gin, dew, and ice.

Commence drinking!

The name: Mountain Gin aka Dew & Gin aka GinDew (for the religious)

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