Archive for June, 2007
Shot Spotlight: Patrón XO Café
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When a buddy of mine ordered a round of these Kaluah-look-alike shots at the bar, my natural sentiment was “What the shit is this?” Hoping my buddy was a little less metro than to order shots of Kaluah at a bar, I was relieved to hear my buddy respond: “Coffee Petrol.” Mmm, a sweet mix of caffeine and gasoline. I knew I must have miss-heard the name of the drink over the noise of the bar, but I thought what the fuck?
It tasted like a mix a Kaluah and Absolut Pepper. Being a fan of pepper and coffee I enjoyed it, and I assure you it’s actually not as gross as it sounds. It was unique, had a good aftertaste, and at 70 proof, you don’t feel like a pussy when you order it. After all, tequila is tequila. Come to find out my friend was saying Café Patrón, not coffee petrol, although mishearing him gave me a good idea of what to expect.
Drink: Patrón XO Café
Price: $20 for 750ml
Rating: Lowball (3/5)
Tastes Like: Pepper and Coffee
Fuck the iPhone!
The Apple iPhone launches today, but before you run out to Cingular, AT&T, or whatever the fuck to pick yours up, you might want to watch this video. Apparently the future of technology isn’t the iPhone…
In the future, you’ll want to get tanked with your friends. Who’da thunk it?
**A note: If you cannot see the videos on the site, please leave a comment and tell me what kind of browser you’re using. To view the video from it’s source, head here or visit SarcasticGamer.com, the creator’s website.
Hump Joke: Another Beer Please
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A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.
After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer. This happens about another seven times before the curious bartender asks him, “Every time you order a beer, you look in your shirt pocket, why?”
The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in there. When she starts to look good, I’ll go home.”
Don’t Fault Me For My Flatulence
A young woman and her boyfriend have just recently gotten engaged. This evening the couple has been invited to her fiancée’s parents’ house for dinner. This is the woman’s first time meeting her future in-laws, and she is understandably nervous.At the dinner table, the woman is about halfway through her eggplant parmesan when she is suddenly overcome with a painful bloating sensation. She’s not sure if it’s the vegetables or the cheese to blame, but she is very aware of the haunting realization that if she makes a move for the toilet, she’ll surely shit herself.
Unsure of how to proceed, the woman puts down her fork and takes a little stretch break. She notices her future hubby immersed in a conversation with his parents about a new work promotion, and seizes the opportunity. She shifts her weight back in her chair, uncrosses her legs, and tries to slip out a small pocket of air to relieve some of the pressure on her inflated intestines. Unfortunately, her attempt at a silent fart does not go over so well, and when she recovers from the vibrations she realizes all conversation has ceased and that everyone is staring in her direction.
“Ralph!” The father shouts. “Come here.” She hears a defeated whimper from beneath her chair and looks down to see a small puppy with a red collar sporting the name “Ralph.” The dog doesn’t move. She breathes a sigh of relief and goes back to work on her eggplant parm.
A few bites later and she feels a rumbling in her bowels. She faintly lifts a thigh and tries to sneak another one by. Her fart is monstrous.
“God Dammit Ralph!”
The dog takes a puzzled look around the room and decides to stay put. The woman chuckles to herself and takes a second helping of food. As she cleans her plate that familiar feeling returns to her rectum. Feeling pretty confident, she leans forward and lets another one rip.
“For Christ’s sake Ralph, get out from there before she shits on you!”
