The Drunk Life

I Stumbled Upon a very cool article the other day entitled The Many Uses of Vodka. Apparently, getting absolutely hammered in order to make New York Style pizza taste good is not it’s only function. Here are some of the best and most interesting ideas for finishing off that bottle:

• To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive
• Clean lipstick from clothing. Rub the stain with vodka, then throw into your regular wash.
• Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
• Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.
• To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
• Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
• Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

Personally I think killing wasps, or at least seeing them trying to fly drunk, would be pretty cool. Also, if I’m ever stumbling drunk on the beach and happen to step on a jellyfish, I’ll know what to do. Not only will my foot be sting-free, but apparently it will smell great!

Another cool use for Vodka if found is making vodka pills. Apparently it only takes 24 hours, the only necessary ingredients are vodka (preferably flavored), sugar, water and corn starch. Most impressively, they come out looking like crack rocks.

For those that don’t know, Stumble Upon is a web service that allows you to click through the internet as if you were channel-surking the Internet. It’s wicked cool. Over time it learns your interests, and shows you pages it thinks you will like. You give the page a thumbs up or a thumbs down and it learns a little bit more about what kind of pages you like to see. I wonder what it says about a person when all Stumble Upon thinks you’ll be interested in is creative uses for vodka.

One of my favorite comedians who first inspired me to get into writing, comedy and stand-up is Aaron Karo. When he was in college he sent out funny e-mails to his buddies about what went on, and they forwarded those e-mails, and eventually Karo became a star. He now lives in Los Angeles and is a full time Comedian. He just made his Network TV debut on the Late Show, here’s the clip:

If you like his work you can check out more at aaronkaro.com and subscribe to his famous Ruminations e-mail column, it comes out bi-monthly and it’s always good for a laugh.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love Stumble Upon to death, but I think this picture shows some of the issues you can run into when things get a little too automated.  Anyway, it’s good for a laugh…

An interesting name choice for this College Professor…

Oh Chinese people, when will you learn?

#10 - Why I Don’t Look Like my Daddy

#9 - Braids Made Easy with Beads and a Blender

#8 - Beat Hide and Seek: The Oven, the Dryer, and behind the SUV

#7 - Never Let the Car Get Your Ball

#6 - Blue’s Clues and the Mystery of the Partial Birth Abortion

#5 - Mom’s New Black Friend

#4 - Fun with Mr. Bubble, Rubber Ducky and the Toaster

#3 - Grampa Gets a Casket

#2 - 101 Games to Play in the Road

#1 - Dad’s New Wife Robert

Today marks the first time I peed in a non-toilet, non-wilderness setting. This marks a turning point in my young life. For years I have woke up hungover with the urge to pee, but an overwhelming unwillingness to get out of bed and drag my ass to the bathroom. Today, that urge won out.

This moment is special to me because every time I came upon this dilemma, I would debate peeing in a bottle with myself. I always came to the same conclusion. I don’t want to be the kind of person who pees in bottles and leaves them cluttered all about the bedroom. What I realized on this fateful day was that I have always been that person inside, and that my true, free-flowing self, has always been cooped up inside just waiting to break free.