The Much Anticipated Igor Pussy Progress Report
It’s Thursday and you know what that means, Igor Updates!
In an effort to enhance Igor’s virtual appearance, we told him not to make such an unflattering face as he did for the previous picture. We also placed a football in his hand, to give the illusion of engagement in competitive sports. Improvement is minimal, but measurable none the less.
Since the last posting, it has been brought to my attention that Igor has actually never touched a vagina. Previous schools of thought were that Igor and vagina parted ways at birth, but new evidence has been brought to light. Igor is a big boy, and consequently confessed to being birthed via a cesarean section. Therefore, Igor has actually 100% never touched a vagina.
Female encounters prior to the quest include:
- Eighth grade: Once made out with a girl on his bed.
- Freshman year of High School: Was one of three guys to engage in heavy petting with a girl of admittedly low class and moral standards, but of bountiful bosom. All participants had reportedly been taking the pot.
- This year: a stripper at Night Moves did allow Igor to firmly affix his hands her ass and motorboat her mammaries.
Since the quest:
I am pleased to report that Igor briefly slept next to a drunk girl. Uninvited spooning with an intoxicated minor is a drastic step towards date-rape… err, wait, so maybe this isn’t so good. Regardless, it makes for a great photo op. Needless to say, no penetration took place, although the victim remains steadfast that she is “scared for life.”
For more Igor updates, and to meet the unfortunate front-runner for outcome B (Igor coming out of the closet,) check back next week.
As always, if anyone would like to meet Igor, please email a picture to james@thedrunklife.com with the subject “Igor’s V-Card”, and write a short paragraph explaining why.
Most Controversial
The Drunk Life » Igor’s Cold Streak Heats Up! Said,
April 26, 2007 @ 10:27 pm
[...] in Igor’s case is that it seems he never really got up to bat. If you look back to the 2nd week of Igor’s V-Card Chronicles, you’ll see that he French kissed a girl in 8th grade, and felt one up in 9th. I little [...]