The Original Steak & Blowjob Day Column
Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and for those of you who participated in the festivities, it is my hope that you also came, and promptly left. Sadly, hope is often not enough. I’m sure there are a fair number of guys out there who poured their hearts into Valentine’s Day, searched through every boy-band song, poem, and movie available for that one, perfectly cheesy line. These are the people who were talking to their girlfriend’s friends, looking for the perfect gift, perusing jewelry stores and florists, making scrapbooks and buying puppies. However, after all this hard work is done, these poor shmucks are often lucky to be left with enough energy to rub one out to lime-wired porn. Many are left down and out, with light wallets and heavy balls. You might be asking, how can we fix this problem? The answer is simple, by celebrating man’s counter-holiday, Steak & Blowjob Day.
Steak & Blowjob Day is a holiday designed to balance out the gender inequalities of Valentine’s Day. It’s a simple truth that Valentine’s Day is essentially for the ladies. It’s a test of relationships, a day when men are required to reassure their ladies that they are in it for more than just the sex. For most guys, this might involve some “half-truths” about how much they “care,” but fear not, because thankfully, Hallmark has your back on this one.
Steak & Blowjob Day was created in 2002 by radio disc jockey Tom Birdsey for the Providence, RI radio station 103.7 FNX. The holiday was originally slated to take place on March 20th, but the date was revised to more directly coincide with Valentine’s Day, and the official date is March 14th. The website for the holiday is steakandbjday.com, and it contains a brief history and overview of the holiday, a merchandise store, streak recipes, and fellatio technique guides. The holiday is spreading faster than a pledging freshman, and is now included in various dictionaries and calendars. The most popular entry on UrbanDictionary.com explains Steak & Blowjob Day as follows:
“Celebrated on March 14th, Steak and Blowjob Day is a holiday for men, celebrated the month after Valentine’s Day — a holiday for women. The idea is simple: no cards, flowers, candy or other whimsical gifts. Ladies (and gay men), you simply bestow your partner with a steak and a blowjob. Not necessarily in that order.
Dave: “Hey Bob, what did Sally get you for Steak and Blowjob Day?”Bob: “Well Dave, that would be a big juicy steak, and a big juicy blowjob.””
Now we move on to what is expected. Granted, it’s pretty simple, steak and a blowjob. Assuming you ladies can follow a recipe and get over a gag reflex, there is really no way to screw this up. That being said, there are a few choices to be made. What comes first, the steak or the blowjob? Well that’s really up to the girl, but try to make it interesting. You could try giving the meal and the blowjob at the same time; you could incorporate some road head, dress up like Catwoman, or even the Pink Power Ranger. It doesn’t matter. Different is exciting. Bring along a friend, or an identical twin sister, whatever. If your Valentine bent over backwards for you, then this is your chance to bend over for him.
One last tip, I recommend that the steak be rare, and the blowjob well done, because lets face it, if the blowjobs are rare I wouldn’t count on making it to next Valentine’s Day. Not to be shallow, but men really are in it for more than just the sex. We’re also in it for the blowjobs.
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