The Drunk Life

It appears that things are really starting to turn around for Igor! When the project first began, Igor was poorly dressed, out of shape, and working one day a week at a candle kiosque. Most of Igor’s days were spent sleeping away in his own filth like a common swine, but no more!

Igor now has a full time job. Check out his work threads (pictured left.) He actually makes $10.25/hr, the most money out of everyone in the apartment. He also works one day a week at a massage kiosque, which is slightly more heterosexual than the candle kiosque. Most importantly, Igor has been making progress with the ladies. Just the other day, while peddling massage products, Igor obtained a girl’s phone number. In fact, Igor has had several female suiters this week. He was forced to pass on another mall-cutie because she was below the age of consent, a chick at the gym said she’d bang Igor out in the tanning booth if she wasn’t engaged, and someone voted on the Igor poll that his quest will end when she has sex with Igor.

The willing sexual participant is pictured to the right; her comments surrounding the vote are displayed below. Her screen name has been altered to protect her anonymity.

So, no pussy for Igor. What a shocker. The polls are still open though. On the bright side, Igor has learned how to read. In order to speed up the development of Igor’s social skills, he now has continual reading assignments. I am glad to report that Igor has finished his first book, The Game by Neil Strauss.
The book is essentially a collection of all the skills about dating that men need in order to combat the crap girls learn from Sex and the City, “romantic comedies” (oxymoron?) and mindless WB programming. The Game chronicles the author’s journey from an “average frustrated chump” into a “pick-up artist.” Well, if there ever was an average frustrated chump, it’s Igor. That made The Game a perfect selection for his first reading assignment. If you’re a chump also, the book is available on Amazon. If you have a book that might help Igor touch a vagina, feel free to leave a comment. Til next week, cross your fingers for our chump.

As always, if anyone would like to meet Igor, please contact me here.

Most Controversial

• Why I had to Fire my Secretary
• Contact
• Igor Goes Dark
• Igor Gets Some Suitorettes
• Meet Igor: The Patented Pussy Repellent